'Halloween Ends' Is Even More Ridiculous Than You Thought It Would Be

What the hell is this movie even about?!

You probably didn't even think it was possible, but this movie is even more absurd and ridiculous than you thought it would be.

WARNING: Very minor spoilers ahead (and one's you probably don't even care about).

Firstly, we're still not even sure what this movie is supposed to be about. This movie seems to have two plots: The return of Michael Myers... and the return... or creation... or something... of another Halloween killer?! We don't even know.

Sure, if you like a Halloween-season slasher flick... it's fine... we suppose. But as a standalone movie, this is really bad.

The best part about this movie is the slightly-more-intricate ways that Michael Myers - or the other guy, whatever the hell his name is - kills people. It sort of makes sense though, given that's literally the only reason anyone would even bother watching another entry in the Halloween saga these days. The most memorable scene was probably when the other killer (we know, don't even ask; just go see it yourself if you want to know more) kills a man and then cuts out his tongue onscreen.

The writers even attempted to insert some sort of love story sub-plot into this film - granted in a really stupid and fucked up sort of way. It doesn't work well. It doesn't even get any sort of resolution in the film, just that one of them gets killed near the end of the movie (of course; how else would such a thing get resolved in a Halloween film?).

We didn't think it was even possible... but this most-recent entry in the Halloween saga seems to be even worse than Halloween Kills, which of course was the worst entry in the series to date... well, up until now.

If there's a glimmer in this, at least they seemed to be able to end this pile of cinematic vomit for good... or did they? We think a lot of people thought after Halloween H20: 20 Years Later, that we'd put the lid on these god-awful movies forever. But nope, the producers managed to find an absolutely ridiculous way to undo literally everything they'd written in that movie in an absolutely ridiculous & absurd fashion in Halloween: Resurrection. We're not saying that's certainly going to happen again this time... but you probably shouldn't get your hopes up. As long as these shitty movies continue to make money, these producers will continue to fan the flames.

If Joe Biden were a real populist, he'd ban Danny McBride from writing any more horror movies. He'd make it law.